Wishes Are Not Goals

I have no goals.

This time of year, full of gift lists, and resolutions, and year-in-review pieces, and making a list and checking it twice, makes it all the more clear to me. I’d noticed a slight slip in my constant drive to add one more bullet-point to the resume. I haven’t sent anything out to be considered for publication in months. I’m not scrimping and saving for any major trip or project. I’m not editing a manuscript, shooting for a promotion, trying to take up a new hobby, or signed up for Weight Watchers.


In some ways, it’s a relief. Nothing nagging in the back of my head that absolutely must be done before I can be content. But, the other side of that coin is a fear. A worry that without anything I’m desperately scraping after, that I may just stagnate, lose all momentum, stop finding adventures altogether.

Instead, I have wishes. I wish I had a washer and dryer in my apartment. I wish I could afford a new laptop. I wish I had a full book manuscript, ready to be sent out to agents and editors. I wish I could drop those ten (ok, fifteen) pounds that come with being in a happy relationship and big home-cooked meals every night. I wish I didn’t smoke as much. I wish I was outside more often.

The thing about wishes is that they come with no plan. I haven’t called anyone about the washer/ dryer hook-ups. I haven’t saved a penny or made a budget for the laptop. I haven’t been writing a few hours every day to get a manuscript together. I don’t work out or eat more vegetables. I’m smoking more. I stay on the couch.

An acquaintance of mine won a fellowship for her poetry and has been assigning herself “homework” of sorts. To read x amount of books. To finish her artist’s statement by x date. To create a spreadsheet, to apply for a fellowship, to write every day.  And in only six months, she has accomplished an amazing amount- given readings in several states, been a finalist in a book contest, and won more fellowships for the future.

As the year wraps up, another birthday approaches (the big 3-5, no less), and winter comes in, driving me housebound, it’s time for me to give myself some homework. Otherwise, I’m just sitting around making wishes.



Filed under Building a Better Me, Lists

3 responses to “Wishes Are Not Goals

  1. They don’t call it ‘fat and happy’ for nothing, do they?

    At least you are in good company!

  2. You did not ask for my advice so forgive me for offering it.
    I have a super simple diet that works great and keeps you feeling full.
    Eat 3 80 cal fruit yogurts for breakfast and the same for lunch and then
    a normal dinner. I lost 30 lbs in 5 months on this very simple diet. It is protein so it keeps you feeling full and 3 cartons will make you feel full. If you do get hungry have another yogurt it is only 80 cals. 3 are only 240 cals.

    STOP SMOKING. Cold turkey, it is the hardest but the most effective. It is the leading cause of heart attacks in women and women have more deadly heart attacks than men. The easy way to go cold turkey is to CONSTANTLY suck on peppermints. It helps with the craving plus cigarettes taste like shit on top of peppermint breath. The first 3 days are the toughest and once past a week, you can handle it. You have to decide that this time that you are going to quit QUIT and never allow yourself to go back. You will be so proud of yourself and food will taste better and your house and car will smell better and the sex will definitely be better.

    I am on your side here.
    Blessings on you and yours

    • marriagecoach2

      Yet again, I agree with Johnny Boy (as I like to call him).

      The cure for at least two of your problems is clear: eat lots of yogurt and candy.

      As for the rest of your problems, I don’t know. I’m a marriage coach, not a fucking psychiatrist.

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