There was a time when I would have told anyone that listened that I do not get “crushes”. My dating history has involved very few actual dates for that matter. I ended up in relationships after hanging out with friends of friends who eventually made the next move and there I was, somehow in a relationship. Then, I stuck it out.
But after over a year to myself, I’ve had the delightful discovery of the joys of crushes. The first meeting with someone when you start to wonder if maybe they could like you. Then realizing that wondering that to yourself probably means that you could like him. Then hoping you get to see him again, so you can figure out more about this “liking”. I’ve even moved on to the advanced course, with stomach butterflies and carefully planned outfits for the next run-in.
However, so far, none of these crushes have moved past the crush phase. The first one had a girlfriend that I didn’t meet until the third run-in, when she complimented me on the poem that I forwarded her boyfriend on Facebook. She’s lovely. In fact, she and I are Facebook friends now. One sort of fizzled out after we stopped running into each other at the same events. One continues, but since he’s never asked me out and has had plenty of opportunities, I’ll just assume that I’m not his type. Sigh.
But, even unrequited crushes have been good for me. For one, I have a reason to put a little more effort into looking nice when I leave the house. There’s always the possibility that I could run into a crush and be caught in my yoga pants in the gas station with an armload of ice cream. Second, I like knowing that I can still get those grade school stomach butterflies seeing someone across a crowded room and being caught looking. And finally, they make me smile. Whether any of my crushes ever asks me out, all three of them are people who make me feel happy that they exist in the world.
Don’t get me wrong. I would much rather be making out with my crush than having warm fuzzies about the general idea of crushes. But for a Wednesday morning, when I’m trying to rally for a blind date later in the week, I need all the romantic motivation I can muster. Meeting strangers makes me feel exhausted in advance. Who knows? Maybe this guy will have a crush on me.