Lady Gaga’s doing it. Or rather not doing it. So, I’m assuming it’s the cool new trend. And I love to be on top of the latest styles. So, to stay stylish, I haven’t been on top of anyone. Or in any other arrangement with anyone. I woke up one day and realized that I haven’t so much as kissed anyone in six months (minus cheek kisses from gay men). Yep. It snuck up on me, and all of a sudden, I’m chaste.
Does it count as chastity if it was an unintentional thing? Because I didn’t make any concrete plans to go this long on my own. I did give myself a firm talking to about not dating anyone – I’m just not very good at it and I need some time after the disaster of my last relationship to organize my luggage before I try to share that baggage with anyone else. And unlike my boozy twenties, in my boozy thirties I’d rather go home alone at the end of the night than make new friends.
And that’s the other piece. After two long-term relationships back-to-back, I woke up one day and realized I had barely been single for the last eight years. And when I was, I was dating. Now, I’m just me. And man, I really like it. If the house is a mess, there’s no one to blame but myself. If I want to spend the whole day reading in silence, or surfing the internet, or have fruit and whipped cream for dinner, no one else gets a vote. There’s no one getting irritated by my habit of piling reading material into potential avalanches on every surface or only dusting what I can see (anything over 5 feet high gets a pass).
I never bothered to live alone before. I moved from my parents’ house into a series of roommate situations, then in with BC, in with the cop I dated, back to being roommates with BC, and then the ex-fiance’. But never just me. Now when I go home to my very own place, everything is exactly how I left it – a little cluttered, but mine all mine. I’m really revelling in this time in my life. I know I’m an “adult,” but taking care of me all by myself makes me feel like a grown-up.
And now that it’s started, I don’t know how long this dry spell will go. I’m not out looking for anyone. I’m not even trying to talk to new people. And at this point, if someone asked me out, I would probably say no. I like being alone for now. I like figuring out me.
When I realized the six month mark had passed, I mentioned it to BC who asked if I was ok with that. I thought for a minute and then said… yes.
Yes I am.