She Lives!!!

OK gang. I’m back- from San Francisco, Las Vegas, and two long bourbon-soaked weeks in New Orleans and have lots to tell. Shall I start with dinner with Green Yogurt on the West Coast? Or with the lovely Canadian I met in San Francisco and shared a romantic dinner and streetcar ride with? Or my big winnings on the penny slots in Vegas? Or the night I mixed six different kinds of cocktails on Bourbon Street and spilled my guts to a co-worker? With the story of BC’s newest venture? A summary of the rooftop party I went to last night? Or with the “big one” I promised over a month ago?

So many options, and so little time this morning, so I’ll leave those teasers and just add that the last few days have been a little rough. The ex is seeing someone. Seriously. Like, about to move in together seriously. And while I am trying to take Green’s advice and just be glad he’s making someone else miserable and not me, I’m taking it a little harder than I thought I would. Yes, he is jerk. Who cheated on me multiple times, drank too much, and made me cry until my face swelled shut. But, I confess, I’d prefer him to die old and alone and regretting breaking my heart. Not moving on and in with some girl he just met three weeks ago for pete’s sake.

Argh. Just when I think I have breathed my last pained breath over him, he invents a new and novel way of twisting the knife. I am trying to ignore it. I am trying to chant “Better her than me,” as my new mantra. And I am trying to get to a place where I can actually be happy for him (but really, that’s asking a bit much).

So, Saturday night, I holed up in bed with my Crackberry headphones, a pack of smokes, and a pile of blankets and listened to Tom Waits and stared at the ceiling until I was worn out from the effort. Avoiding that it hurts doesn’t make it any better. So, I may be wallowing in it this week. The sooner I get in and get dirty about grieving, the sooner this too shall pass. Right?

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19 Comments

Filed under Daily Life, Soul Searching

19 responses to “She Lives!!!

  1. This sucks, and knowing that it’s a good thing that he’s ruining someone else’s life doesn’t make it easier. Maybe it’ll help to realize that this relationship will likely blow up in his face at some point? I mean, he’s moving in with someone he’s only known three weeks. With someone like him, that can’t be good.

  2. Gigi

    Absolutely! You have to wallow in it before you can feel better. This, for me, usually requires sad tunes, red wine, and lots of smokes. Looks like you’re mostly there:)

  3. The only thing I can add is this:
    Just because it seems like he is happy and moving on with his life does not mean that he is. Sometimes the more unhappy a person is, the more he does things like this to overcompensate. I know this b/c my ex is a miserable bastard and got re-married about 4 months after our divorce went through. And promptly got another divorce. And then another. All in 10 years. See a pattern here?

  4. It will pass. It has to.

    To share…my ex met someone a few months back and recently told me he is getting his vasectomy reversed…because while he was certain he didn’t want children when he was with me (*so* certain he had surgery) a year later he’s pretty certain he wants kids with the girl he’s been with for two months. Ouch. I keep saying “Better her than me” and “He’d make the worst father” and I am, as the weeks go on, getting over the holyshitwtfbbq feeling and flips in my stomach that come up every time I think of them together trying to make babies. Gah.

  5. Marianne Renoir

    I’m with Christina on that one. Great to see you back and blogging, I haven’t commented in awhile but I do check your blog religiously. Take care.

  6. Girlfriend, it took me SIX years to get to a place where I didn’t care. Now it just surprises me that I don’t care, because I don’t remember not feeling the heart ache.

    One of my friends told me something that I didn’t believe until I was fortunate enough to hear the ex tell me for himself. My friend said – when real break-ups happen, women get hit hard. They go down hard and they grieve but when they are finally done, they are DONE. Men? We do everything we can not to feel what has happened. What (usually) we have done. But about six months later, it hits us like a freight train. Yes, we still do everything we can not to deal with it, but the pain of it is legendary. Trust me…

    I thought he was FULL OF SH*T. My ex of four years started dating someone four weeks later. They were together for four years. And it broke me. Until I heard straight from the horse’s mouth that he was with her just so he wouldn’t have to think about me and how a day doesn’t go by that something about me flashes thru his mind and how he has been miserable because of what an ass he was/is.

    Still didn’t make me DONE but it helped I guess. You’re done when you’re done. I wasn’t done until I finally accepted that he wasn’t good for me. Until I forgave myself for beating myself up, wondering what I had done wrong, realizing that I did everything I could to be a good person and that he’s just a total f*cking retard. Oh and PS? He’s 33 and currently dating a 24 year old. Because that’s what he can handle. He’s that guy. Thank goodness he’s not mine.

    Take your time with your heart. Be gentle with yourself. And most of all? There is no rule as to how long it should take. It’s your story.

    • Thanks so much Nicole. I needed to hear all of that. Although right now, I admit it may take some time to accept that he might be “working through his pain” with her instead of just workin’ it, youknowwhatimean? I know he’s wrong for me and that we have no business being together, but I hoped he’d pine away – alone.

      • 1. Sorry for the looong comment. Clearly I had some feelings about this.
        2. Honey, for the most part I’m over it but I still hate that he has a girlfriend and isn’t suffering alone. To make myself feel better, I look at his pics on facebook to see how hard he is fighting going bald and finding joy in his inability to do so. Its the little things…

    • Andrea

      “when real break-ups happen, women get hit hard. They go down hard and they grieve but when they are finally done, they are DONE.” You seriously could not have said that better. The unfortunate part is that sometimes it takes so long to get to that “done” stage!

  7. Well the whole things just brings things to the surface that you THOUGHT you had buried. I do this all the time.

    I think I have put soemthing behind me only to have it pop back up again a couple more times. Deep inside you know things are better, but it doesn’t help a lot when it is staring you there in the face.

  8. Welcome home! I had such a nice time with you.

    Don’t give up hope – he still may die alone and sad. Think positive! She may dump him after cheating on him multiple times.

  9. Nic said it best. Just let yourself feel it. And you will come out the other side.
    Can’t wait to hear about your adventures when you feel like it!

  10. Pingback: Clareified » Blog Archive » Good advice

  11. The Artful Codger

    Remember ET. if he met her just three weeks ago, she met HIM just three weeks ago. She may have the thrill of first rush infatuation; you have the benefit of long term knowing and hindsight.

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