Fantasies Ain’t All They’re Cracked Up to Be

For years I have fantasized about uninterrupted swaths of time. I’d hole up on the couch and watch bad movies, write that novel I keep tossing about, collect my poems into anthologies and submit them to publishers, read all the great books lingering around the house, and survive on takeout.

Well, my friends, it has been four days of that life, and I have to admit, it ain’t all that. My butt is rapidly taking on the shape of my couch cushion. My favorite pillow is flattening out. The dishes are piling a little high in the sink, but standing up long enough to wash them seems overwhelming. I have eaten soup and takeout for days. And I am starting to grow a little tired of these four walls. The phone rings fairly consistently. My mom, the sisters, friends, and assorted relatives have all called for the latest.

The latest is pretty dull. There was a Law & Order marathon. Yes, I ate. Yes, I slept. Yes, I can go up and down my stairs again now. I haven’t been sick since the surgery. I’m dialing down to ibuprofen when the soreness hits. I took a shower and took off the bandages and washed the stitches out with soap and water like instructed.

My only reprieve? The blessed saint BC. He called yesterday to hear the latest and when he heard I was losing it here on isolation island, he hopped in the car and came over. And after an hour of couching, encouraged me to put onb real pants and shoes. We made a very slow and hunched over trip up the two blocks to the convenience store- bought ice cream and brought it back to the couch. And to take the new guts out for a spin, we ate the whole container. And he stayed until his evening cocktail plans, entertaining me with stories from the outside world.

But today, I’m back to the couch. I feel better. Really I do. But not better enough to drag out the craft box in the spare bedroom. I tried- until a gut spasm discouraged me.

Tell me something interesting. Anything. Something from outside my living room. These four walls aren’t getting any less dull.



Filed under Daily Life

9 responses to “Fantasies Ain’t All They’re Cracked Up to Be

  1. Okay here’s what I’ll tell you: I am dog-sitting at my brother’s house, and having a great old time being in a house that gets MTV. I too, have been watching a lot of tv.

    I’ll also tell you that I wrote a blog post in my head but haven’t blogged it yet, and there is a massive cold snap in SF, which was not here Friday, and right now I am wearing socks, jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, bathrobe and a blanket.

    Lastly, I wish I knew how to fire up the fireplace.

  2. I have more of a question than news. Who is BC? Sorry to be late, but I’m a peeper who hasn’t been able to answer that question on my own. 🙂

  3. I’ve already blogged any interesting news I have, like we had a little electrical fire in my kitchen on Saturday, and that I gave Rivers Cuomo from Weezer his first kiss when we were in eighth grade. Check it out.

  4. I spent a month in bed a few years ago, so I know how hard it is to battle cabin fever and pain and you have my sympathy.

    I coped to the extent I could by reading a ton of books. Every two days, my boyfriend would show up with new Booker finalists and I would lose myself in them. It really helped. (So did laughing along with Judge Judy.)

    As for news from the outside world . . . I am caught up in the whole dating thing, which fascinates me and bores everyone else.

  5. i spent two months in bed on bedrest, incubating twins. my coping mechanism was online shopping, which i do. not. recommend. my current excitement is two two-year-olds using chopsticks today. somewhat effectively. hope you feel better soon.

  6. ShanaMaideleh

    Today I started a temp job that will be for this week and maybe next. Banana Republic called to set up an interview for a holiday retail job, and my husband is still unemployed. I am so excited to work at Banana, to make money, be out of the house and hopefully make myself so sick of the mall I won’t covet the clothes I can’t afford. In the past 3 weeks of my unemployment I was delighted to see that daytime is WAY BETTER than it used to be. It’s still light out here in FL at 7:30, and it will be in the 60s every night this week. Feel better soon, and when you do, you’ll be SO GREAT AT BEING ALIVE!!!

  7. Hi’, I’ve been lurking for a while but now that you need something to occupy your time I figured I’d throw something in the ring.

    Hmm…I probably should have thought of something first…Oh, last night on the National Geographic channel the first episode of “Long Way Down” aired. Ewan MacGregor, my pretend boyfriend, and his real friend, Charley Boorman, are on a motorcycle trip from Scotland to South Aftica. It’s a sequel to “Long Way Round” in which they drove their motorcycles east from London to New York City. If your video store has the ‘Long Way Round,” it’s a great way to kill some of that couch time. I think there’s about ten episodes.

    Feel better.

  8. We have a new receptionist in my office today. She keeps disappearing into the bathroom for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I don’t think she has showered and she smells like musty mothballs. I have spent the better part of my workday contemplating how I can make it out the front door of my building without smelling her. It’s going to be tricky…

    Hope you feel better knowing that sometimes life on the outside isn’t all that exciting either. 🙂

  9. I felt the same way when I was recovering from a surgery. I finally took the op to go through my closet and pull every book I had not read but meant to and stacked them up and started reading. Then my only problem is that it gave me a good reason to max out my bank account at Barnes and Noble (good thing I was too doped up on pain killers to be permitted to drive!) heehe!

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