Back in the Burgh

After seven days away, I’m back where I call home. Unfortunately, while I was gone no one came and cleaned my house or did my laundry. Why is that? Surely, there are little fairies who clean your house while you’re on business trips. They must have been busy and forgot.

The lingering acid reflux has not gotten better, but worse, so I’m off to the doctor on Monday morning before I go back to work. Daily Prilosec isn’t stopping me from waking up every night and throwing up for an hour and a half. And to be honest, I’m sick of being sick. It’s to the point where I just don’t want to eat anything ever again, but I suspect that would just make it all worse.

In news on the ex front, I actually managed to feel worse, if that’s at all possible. He found something I’d written in March mixed up in a box of his papers. About how I had doubts about the wedding because of his past indiscretions and I wondered whether I wanted to be with him at all. And somehow turned that into an indictment of me for putting him through all the yelling and drama and heartache when he did exactly what I worried about. Because apparently, in his mind, if I ever had doubts then he is off the hook for everything because I was stringing him along. This is the reason I stopped taking his calls for so long. Especially the ones in the middle of the night. But, like an IDIOT, I thought it had been a while and that I could end a phone call with him without feeling worse about myself. It can’t be done. My August resolution is stop answering, period. It never ends well. And this one made me feel so bad about myself that I’m still reeling a bit from the sting.

So, because I need projects, I’ll be finally hanging some of the 87 jillion prints and posters and framed art I have hiding behind the side table in the dining room. If I can’t like me today, I can at least like my apartment. Besides, I have to find somewhere to put all my books from the Philly and Orlando trip. And they just may fit behind that table if I squeeze them in just right. Well, except for The Poisonwood Bible. I absolutely insist that anyone who hasn’t read it rush out and read it immediately. It’s going on the main bookshelf with my favorites. As soon as I loan it and get it back from BC that is.

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5 Comments

Filed under Daily Life, Links

5 responses to “Back in the Burgh

  1. Janine Falcon

    I hate that that slime managed to make you feel like crap again. UNbelieveable how he’s managed to turn it on you and refuse responsibility again.

    Here’s the thing. In continuing on despite those expressed misgivings, you were in fact GIVING HIM YET ANOTHER CHANCE. That’s called generosity in some circles. And under those cheating circumstances, you proved that

    1) you are a superior person, clearly better than he is.
    2) you wanted to believe in him, which HE then buggered up all by his asshole self.

    You are right not to take any of his calls ever again, really. He is a WASTE OF SPACE AND ENERGY, undeserving of your valuable, superior time and attention.

  2. letigreinfrance

    My god, he is absolutley without shame! He’s like writing 101 different ways I can pin my lack of a brain on Eleanor. What a freakin loser. I feel sorry for the next woman he manipulates. GRRRRR!

  3. Wow, he’s really desperate to avoid responsibility for what he did, and its really shitty to use your willingness to give him another chance as a weapon. What a spineless asshole. the assumed premise of his position is that he had no obligation to stop. Trying to make it your fault is the absolute lowest. He’s freaking out because you’re not giving him the Get Out of Jail Free card this time. Don’t take his calls, delete his email, let him drop off the face of the earth.

  4. Luna

    Instead of feeling worse, that conversation should have made you feel much better — because he’s making it so glaringly obvious that you made the right decision. What an ass. Stick with your resolution, and let him fade away for good.

  5. I am a huge fan of the Poisonwood Bible. I read it long ago, but certain elements of it and certain scenes are still so vivid for me.

    I am sorry you are suffering so much. It does get better over time.

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