Thank you, Ghost of Christmas Future

And yet again, the NY Times provides a glimpse into my grim future….
  
“While Ms. Schardt (age 79) was not suffering from a life-threatening disease, or in acute pain, her life was hardly pleasant, Mr. Kusch said. She had trouble moving around her apartment, where she lived alone. Having never married, she had no family. She also had few friends, and rarely ventured out.
 
In such circumstances, a nursing home seemed likely to be the next stop. And for Ms. Schardt, who Mr. Kusch said feared strangers and had a low tolerance for those less clever than she was, that was an unbearable prospect.”
 
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12 Comments

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12 responses to “Thank you, Ghost of Christmas Future

  1. Luna

    Stop doing this to yourself! You’re not going to die alone. After some SERIOUS heartbreak at 28, I found the love of my life at 33 and married him at 34. And that was by NO means old. There’s no “right” age for coupling up with someone, and when the right person does come along for you, you’ll realize he was worth the wait.

  2. I hear ya. Ending up alone is one of my worst fears, too.

  3. letigreinfrance

    That won’t be your fate, believe me. It might be your ex’s, but NOT your’s!

  4. It’s been great knowing you. I’ll send you a postcard from Germany.

  5. I think I, too, would have trouble in a nursing home or any group situation in my old age. I am rather clever, you know.

  6. elewinnek

    What bullshit. Doesn’t everyone know by now that marriage does not equal family or community or any guarantee against loneliness? You will find your own community of friends, always. Your community may involve a husband and children, but it doesn’t have to, and actually a husband or children may mean more isolation, not less.

    Oh, Eleanor’s Trousers, think about Eleanor Roosevelt. Do you really think that her marriage brought her much happiness in her old age? Her marriage brought her power, I think, but not happiness. Her friendships and her deeds and her ideas seem so much more important. And I don’t even know who died first, Eleanor or Franklin – I just know that that their work on social justice (not to mention that social-secretary whom they both probably slept with) seems like a better solace against solitude than any wedding ring.

    Regardless of marital status, most of us will likely die alone among stupid people. In the meantime, we can only ignore that fact and go on living, enjoying the friends we love, and enjoying solitude too.

    If it helps (and it is probably more applicable than the inimitable Eleanor R’s story), my own story is like Luna’s: my fiance canceled our wedding when I was 29. I spent a year grieving, finding a few fuck-buddies, re-discovering how to enjoy solitude, scared of being alone. Then when I stopped looking for a new love-of-my-life, that’s when I found him. Although I must admit I was terrified to ever marry him. We actually bought a house together and had a baby together before I trusted him enough to hold a wedding with him. These scars don’t heal easily. And there’s a part of me that still holds myself separate, still constantly thinks: if he disappears tomorrow, I will be okay. And you will be okay too.

    It takes too damn long to get over a broken heart, especially a broken wedding. Still, it will happen. In the meantime, don’t read lifestyle pieces from the New York Times.

    Sorry for such a long comment, but this got me riled up.

  7. katie anderson

    you are totally making that up, right? was that really in the new york times, seriously? you have to admit that’s some sensational prose, when you consider how writers are leaving newspapers left and right. i love that you highlighted the part about having a low tolerance for those less clever. you’ll be fine.

  8. There’s no reason to end up alone.

    None at all.

  9. As a male here would be my action plan for happiness.

    Take a month or two to deal with the end of the relationship.

    Then, form an action plan. Survey the male landscape around you. Observe men you find interesting and assess their character. Don’t overlook guys you would have rejected before for social awkwardness, nerdy interests, the lack of ability to whisper exciting things in your ear (which means of course, they won’t be whispering them in OTHER girls ears either). Playas are playas. If you were honest, this situation did not come as a bolt from the blue. You probably suspected as much. A man’s character counts, since he rarely if ever changes it.

    Don’t simply let guys approach you, seek out those men you find attractive and approach them. Again, don’t discard nerdy, awkward guys for that reason alone (character is another matter). You’re 31. That’s not old maid territory, but men won’t fight over you either like they did at 19 or 25.

    This is my honest advice as a man. Oh, and where to meet lots of guys? Haha. Sci-fi conventions, comic book conventions, computer stores, etc. The geekier the better.

  10. This Girl

    The male perspective is my favorite 😉

    I am all about the nerdy men.

    And all about being alone.

    I don’t think that “happily ever after” has to be “happily together ever after.”

    I just believe in being happy.

    If you need some single girl chat sessions, I’m all about it 😉

    http://thisgirlsgotneeds.wordpress.com/

  11. I’m 53 and divorced after 22 years of marriage. I felt all the same crapola you do and it’s a lot scarier. Thing is, the way lifespans work out, I realized I’m probably going to be old and alone anyway (I don’t have kids). But what I will have is a shot, at least, at finding some happiness in the meantime and owning my life.

  12. how you doing are you ok

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