The Secret is Not to Sleep

Yesterday, I met the ex mother-in-law after work for a quick run through the rain-soaked farmer’s market. While I’m always tempted by the desserts (homemade pie, hello), I stuck to the fruits and veggies since I’ve been living on cigarettes, tears, bourbon, and coffee for the past week or so. She offered to treat me to dinner as well, but with the dreary weather, I just wanted to be home. Besides, I’m having a little anxiety about being too connected with her. The ex may be a dog, but its scary how much on my side his family has been. I would hope that even if I pulled a completely bozo-rific move, my family would stick by me and give me speeches about how it was good that I realized it now. Not bad mouth me to my ex…. ouch.

When I pulled up to the house and pulled open the screen door, there was a post-it. A little square post-it that said “I love you.” I scooped it up, sighed, and opened the door. And there was another one- on the mantle, on the doorway arch, on the coat closet, five in a row down the wall. The living room had one on each framed picture, on the tv, the laptop, four on the coffee table, six more on the walls. The refrigerator and cabinets and back door, too. The bathroom mirror and shower rod. Each step up the stairs and all the walls on the way. The bedroom door. And on the pillow. That one read “I love you with all my heart and I always will.” Hundreds of “I love you”s.

And then he didn’t come home.

And I stayed up all night with a pack of smokes in the chair by the bedroom window.  



Filed under Daily Life, Relationships

10 responses to “The Secret is Not to Sleep

  1. letigreinfrance

    Grrrr his manipulations get my goat. He has NO RIGHT to say this stuff to you anymore. He was given chances. He flung them out the window. So now he has no right to give you words of love. Can I slap him please?

  2. Molly

    Letigre is right – total manipulation. He needs to leave you alone.

  3. That goes into the “Too little, too late” category.

    You should leave post-its for him saying “Thanks. I love me too, so get the hell out of my life.”

  4. That is just obnoxious. He needs to get out and return the keys. I thought that was the plan?

  5. that is gross of him. He needs to get the hell out. Or pay for you to stay at a very nice and swanky hotel until he gets out.

    I agree with the person who suggested pointed out that you love yourself as well, and that’s why he needs to go.

  6. I’m new to your blog…sorry I’ve been lurking for a few days getting caught up on this sad chapter in your life. I am really sorry.

    I’ve always felt that breaking up must be worse than losing someone to death, and I only say ‘must be’ because I’ve never experienced a boyfriend/husband dying while we were together (thank goodness). Sounds ridiculous yes, but when someone dies it’s “over” and nothing more can be said, you aren’t in contact with that person anymore…nothing right?

    Until he moves out and I hate to say this, but until all ties leading back to him are severed, it’s almost impossible for you to move on. If I were you (and this is easy for me to say), I would sever ALL ties ASAP…as hard as that is to do right now, in the long run it will be a whole lot easier on you.

    Nice advice, too bad I never followed it myself with all of my exes!

  7. i think he seriously read a book on what to do to get your sorry ass out of trouble when all you really deserve is trouble. because you’re a sorry ass. pitiful. it’s actually a little embarassing for him. to be so desperate and obvious and manipulative. and what a dumbass. apparantly he throws the “love” word around a lot. in a lot of directions. and not just in your house.

  8. Janine Falcon

    That was creepy and cruel of him. Anything he does or says to get you to change your mind is cruel at this point because nothing will change, nothing will be different. All he’s trying to do, whether he realizes it or not, is maintain his status quo. At your expense.

    I rather like Ulli’s idea of your own post-its, ones that remind you that you deserve far, far better and that he is beneath worthy.

  9. Darren Johnson

    I would ask all to attend the sentancing of Kyle Payne on 11-Aug-2008 at the Buena Vista County Courthose in Storm Lake Iowa.

    The Judge needs to see us all and we need to support the poor victim of this crime.


  10. TwentyTwo

    That seems very selfish. You should stick one on whatever he has left to pick up that says “Who cares.”

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