Grown Up Talk

The fiance’ and I have a history of what I like to call “loud adult discussions.” I never exactly learned those valuable relationship skills- having calm, rational conversations about issues, planning to take action, and changing behavior in response. I blame it on growing up in the WASP-y est ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away household and a personal aversion to the slightest discomfort. I would rather say “nothing” a thousand times when asked what’s wrong than talk if given my druthers.

Unfortunately, the fiance’ expects me to be a grown up and actually, I dunno, ask for what I want and tell him when something he does bothers me. This strange request has given me no small amount of angst. I want to be one of those enlightened Oprah-fied women who speaks calmly and goes to therapy and relates to her man in language he can understand and “I feel” statements. But, what I really want to do when the going gets tough is hide and cry and be all stiff-upper-lip and martyred. As you can imagine, this makes me a delightful person to be in a relationship with.

I’m trying, though. Friday we sat down and I actually calmly said what was bothering me. And he listened. And after thinking quietly for a few moments, he said I was right. And apologized. And I felt like I had invented sliced bread. Because this grown up communication thing- it’s pretty great. And it saves me a lot in Kleenex and drama.

Besides, the grown up I live with really enjoys living with another grown up. Which means Saturday’s time on the couch was a whole different kind of grown up. Adulthood has its advantages.



Filed under Daily Life, Relationships

7 responses to “Grown Up Talk

  1. At least you are trying, a lot of grown ups do the keeping it inside until it eventually goes away method without ever trying the talking about what is really bothering them method.

    kudos to you!

  2. Lina

    Couch time= grown up time! 😀

    “stiff-upper-lip and martyred” sounds about right. However, applause to you for overcoming it for some real communication. Cutting back on any amount of drama keeps away stress on you and saves a tree or two from the Kleenex that don’t get used

  3. Sometimes I hate being a grown up, so thanks for reminded me of some of the perks that go along with it!

  4. Lady, I do the same thing.
    Boyfriend is always annoyed at me because I don’t tell him what’s bothering me until the next day…or a week later…sometimes months.
    Grown up talk is hard.

  5. That is teh awwsum. Rlly. I need to practice, clearly.

  6. So cute! Yay for communication. If you’re not comfortable talking about your feelings, you can do what’s called “active listening” which is where you repeat back in your own words what the other person said to you.

    Me: You’re funny; say more shit.
    You: So you’re saying I amuse you, and you’d like to be amused some more?

    It makes the other person feel very listened to, which can take you far.

  7. Hee hee. So much fun to read, as well as being real.

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