Knocked Down

And again, I am unfettered, free
From the ties that bind one heart to another,
Create homes from desire,
and trust,
and dreams.
And this freedom is not one that I wanted, this time.
I have fasted and prayed, prayed and fasted
On this loss and I have
Starved myself into this salvation-
Stomach panging with the regret, the childlike
Wish that I had not eaten the fruit from that tree-
That I went on without
This knowledge- good or evil.
I am knocked down, crawling on my knees
toward the altar of my mid-thirties
alone, again.
I am knocked down, but
I say no, this time.
This time I will be brave.
And strong.
And graceful.
I will not weep til my face runs together in a Picasso portrait
Of angst.
I will dab my eyes gently with a linen handkerchief
And I will find a way to be one of those ladies who
pain
makes
beautiful.
I am knocked down, but I have not had the wind knocked out of me.
And I know the wind is there, filling me up.
I know the wind is there,
because I am knocked down,
but
I
am
singing.
-“Eleanor” (on the eve of my 31st birthday: 12/22/07)  
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1 Comment

Filed under Soul Searching, Writing

One response to “Knocked Down

  1. Pingback: Flashing Back on 2007- the Survey « ELEANOR’S TROUSERS

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