Breaking Up with Your Therapist

So after years of calling it all a bunch of hooey, I broke down (somewhat literally) and got a therapist. A real honest-to-God licensed therapist being compensated at a ridiculously high rate by my excellent insurance to listen to me whine and not take her advice for an hour a week. But then an odd thing happened. My therapist started acting all “not that into you” towards me. I know you’re thinking I must be a neurotic mess, but hear me out.

It started when I had to skip an appointment to go to my sister’s wedding out of town. The next few weeks we missed an appointment while she took a vacation and when I called in sick to take a day off work. And then when I called she wasn’t returning my calls. I called twice and waited a week or two. Nothing. Out of the blue she calls three weeks later to schedule a last minute appointment at a rather inconvenient time. And this evening at the end of that appointment she said we should skip next week and move back to every-other-week appointments.

 I’m starting to wonder whether I bore her… admittedly, my problems are somewhat low on the intensity scale, and my fiance’ refers to me as the sanest person he knows (and he knows from crazy…). I actually contemplated developing an interesting problem… or reflecting in some sort of Freudian way on my childhood until I could dredge up tears. But actually, I think it may be time for she and I to break up. She seems to think I’m ok. And lately, I actually feel ok. Maybe it was just a temporary breakdown? I’ll be interested to see if I keep holding it together.  

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16 Comments

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16 responses to “Breaking Up with Your Therapist

  1. Found you through Tag Surfer.

    Consider asking her point-blank what’s going on? If she’s good, she should be able to handle it.

  2. eleanorstrousers

    I’ll try when I meet with her in two weeks. We’re supposed to be coming up with a new “treatment plan” so that may be a good time to ask if we’re headed towards weaning me off….

  3. MarvalusOne

    I broke up with a therapist once…it was hard because I didn’t think she understood what was at the core of my problem…I saw her every week for 3 months and she deduced that I was one way and I knew that I was some other way…I wrote her a letter and told her how I felt and that was that…

    Consider your feelings and do what is right for you…

  4. I’m surprised how often I hear that people don’t click with their therapists. My sister-in-law found one she loved on her fourth try…. I don’t know if I’m that committed to self-analysis.

  5. Once I went to see a very reputable shrink in the area. She came highly recommended.

    I only saw her 3 times. She fell asleep after 5 minutes of listenting to me each time….

  6. Thanks for the smile blueseaglass. I guess it could be worse. 🙂 I’ll be back to see mine on Wednesday, so we’ll see how it goes.

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  9. I have a Counseling degree and I’m here to tell you: You’re not OK. None of us is OK (are OK?).

    Then again, therapy is played under some rules that are often hidden and result in questions about motive on the part of the therapist. Dammit, being distant is the only way we know to get through to you people!

    I see a psychiatrist who, I often feels, sees me and my concerns as being as significant as a cricket and his search for love. Strange comparison, I know, but it matters to the cricket.

    When I sit in meditation (Vipassana/Insight) and for a while afterward I have a sense that I’m OK, even though my flaws are still there. This lasts for as long as I can remember how I felt while I was meditating. Then it’s time for another treatment.

  10. Thanks for the beautiful comment ‘rationalpsychic.’ I read a quote somewhere about nothing being enjoyable once it has been analyzed to death. While I’m not trying to live an “unexamined life” altogether, I’m finding that much attention to detail was spoiling the fun. I’d rather pay attention to the details of a sunset, than the details of my pet peeves any day.

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  12. paul's scarf

    lately i feel like i don’t have much to say to him anymore. i first arrived at the peak of an emotional breakdown. now that i feel better i don’t really care much to talk about anything. I am finding myself in the unconfortable position of having to take my cloths off in front of a stranger and i feel like the therapy is partially holding me from actually making any serious decision.

    • waren

      funny but i feel the same way. a year after my therapy…i made a decision i wanted to make in the first place when i first started to go there.
      i am left with the feeling of having wasted my time.
      overthinking every move you make is not necessarily a positive thing. at least it wasn’t in my specific case, it just seemed to have taken me longer to make decisions i already knew were right. therapy made me question them and doubt them.

  13. I’m trying to break up with my therapist right now, actually. He always had business trips to go to. Which meant I would see him about once a month, with my mentality and morale I NEED MORE THAN ONE APPOINTMENT A MONTH!

    This e-mail is proving me difficulties. Do I do this face to face? Is an e-mail breakup rude? Why does this feel like a highschool break up?

    Urrgh, I need chocolate.

  14. Colette

    I too need to break up and this is only after 3 sessions. I have left a message for her to call me so I can discuss it with her. The problem is her availability and my work schedule. I was 4 weeks between the last appointment and then she cancelled due to illness. I was so disappointed. I do not want to invest more of myself into her if we can’t seem to sync our schedules.

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