On Cougars, and Pink, and Film

The weekend was a test of willpower. Not to marry him- all of those plans have been cancelled officially and guests notified. Friday, BC convinced me to join him for 80’s night at Lava, where I watched a cougar in her 40’s dance around in a sundress and cardigan from first cocktail all the way [...]

They Didn’t Have to Tell Me

Excessive texting is a tell-tale sign of infidelity. I never would have guessed. Ugh.

Culture of Shame

I had a long discussion with a guy from the State Department (recently returned from the Middle East) at BC’s Sunday cocktail fest last week about shame cultures- societies where the worst possible thing would be to embarrass your family or friends in a public way. Because the humiliation from this shame is so great, [...]

Too little, too late

So, we finally had a conversation. Actually, he did most of the talking. Apparently while I have been busy sobbing hysterically his friends and family have been reading him the riot act. And they have all come down to three main points: a) So, do you finally feel “free” now that this has happened? b) [...]

Scenes from Awful, PA

The best he has been able to offer- the best- is that he believes in unconditional love and if I loved him unconditionally I would know he is “not a nice person.” And love him anyway. I tried with as much patience as I can muster to explain the difference between “unconditional love” and “enabling” [...]

Great Messages from Friends, Family, and Co-Workers

I have to say, sometimes I feel like I don’t have this great supportive network of people for the tough times. I have a hard time asking for help and a low tolerance for humiliation, so that keeps me fairly private. But this time, I have had some great people step up. I’m having a [...]

How to Spend the Next Day

Thank you to all of you for your kind, funny, strong, supportive words. (Especially binaross for the list of breakup songs… I think I may actually have giggled when “Call Tyrone” came on the playlist). 
I made it through one day at work. I cried in my office and claimed to have long conference calls to sit [...]

Things to Do When It’s Over

And I’m back where I was before. Because I am an idiot, I know. Because I am a sucker and I deserved it because of those “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me,” ditties people like to bandy about.
The infamous girl from the earlier text messages that the fiance’ sent [...]

Delirium

A brief record of the past few nights’ sleep:
Sunday- Off to bed at 12:30 a.m.
Monday- Awake at 6:00 a.m. to head off to work. To bed at 1:30 a.m. after Game 5 of the Stanley Cup goes into triple overtime.
Tuesday: Awake at 5:00 a.m. with evil death heartburn. To bed at 11:15 pm. Woken by [...]

Grown Up Talk

The fiance’ and I have a history of what I like to call “loud adult discussions.” I never exactly learned those valuable relationship skills- having calm, rational conversations about issues, planning to take action, and changing behavior in response. I blame it on growing up in the WASP-y est ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away household and a personal aversion [...]